rain0nme
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I am feeling tired
Thoughts
I don't think you understand, you say you do, but you don't. Unless your there, i mean really there, then you don't, you can't understand what is me. My life is a struggle from the moment i wake up and throughout my dreams at night. I never stop thinking about it, its my every thought, but its hard because i cant hide it. I've been anorexic for three years now, since i was in grade seven, i am currently in grade ten, sixteen years old, 5'4 and around 100 pounds, depends on the day. My sisters are gorgeous, older, blond, blue eyes and skinny, just perfect. so everyone says. they tell me I'm prettier but how could i be? I'm brunette with green eyes and hide myself in the crowd. I do everything in my power to not eat, and i guess it shows because the rumors and whispers around school are everywhere, i cant escape. I eat dinner, a little bit of dinner during the days, because thats how i can hide it from my parents, if they see me eat that then they wont know, how can they? But thats all i eat, any more and i punsih myself for it later. I'm a full time dancers so any dinner i eat gets worked off pretty easily, but my energy is low, dancing has become challenging. I'm a flyer in cheerleading so i have to be small, small enough so that i don't weigh a thing. My best friend is bulimic. That makes everything worse. I try to help her but i cant get too involved as it may reveal me to others. But she's so strong, she can go out, wear clothes that fit her, look great, and no one knows but inside shes a mess like me but she can be helped, me on the other hand can't, i don't want help. I just want to be so skinny i get lost in my own clothes, so skinny that people stare at me and wonder. Thats all I've ever wanted. Nothing else matters to me.
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August 2008
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